How do you react to an article which reeks of sexism and then are the comments made to cover it up as a sarcastic humor? Well for me humor is something that should evoke a smile ( to say the least) and not be dictated by canned laughter. I prefer watching the sitcoms on mute, because that way I can read the sub titles and follow it the way my mind would like to perceive.

The recent Volkswagen comment did shock me, but I chose not to blog because somewhere I deal with gender issues day in and day out for my books and don’t want my blog to have the same flavor. However, the piece in New Indian Express yesterday on how to choose a bride, did leave me aghast!

I thought it was sarcasm at first, then thought dark humor, then realized that darkness (sans any humor what so ever!) is all that the article is all about. Couldn’t resist writing back to the author of the article, knowing very well that it would go to his spam folder. However, what the heck, I used my freedom of speech and am proud I did.

My reply:

Hello Dr. John,

At the outset let me tell you that I do not expect you to reply to this mail, well you see I am not the prospective bride you shall let your son or any known member of your family marry, so why bother replying to me right?

What a wonderful article Sir, I praise thee. I wonder if you have ever thought of carbon dating your mind – in that case let me assure you the world would not be shocked to discover that Manu’s brain was indeed transplanted and that too successfully in a living being. Oops, I missed writing “human being” there, but I am sure you don’t mind, do you? After all to you all mortals are categorized depending on their needs, utility and power of thinking – well since you definitely lack the latter most quality I decided not to tag you as human. Super mortal is what you might tag yourself, and I choose to ignore – my grandmother taught me never to break a bubble in which an insane man finds happiness.

Well my grandmother, oh yes – did I tell you that she didn’t have an hourglass figure  and neither did she choose any of her daughters-in-law based on that. Does this make you think that the resulting generations that went to IIT’s, ivy League B schools, National law schools are all by fluke and their credibility should be tested? Also, do you think the fact that she always had the propaganda regarding close age marriage, or accepted her grandchild marrying an elder girl should have led scientists to conduct a research on her? Well, being a graduate of the 1930s India from one of the still most premier institutes of the country I am sure she isn’t exactly the kind of woman you thought existed in India.

Also, I wonder if you share a drink or two with your dear friend (well birds of the same feather do flock together thus I am sure you are friends!) K Bhaktavatsala (Judge, Bangalore High Court) ??? I am sure he can help you write a sequel to “How to decide on a Divorce – Have you beaten your wife enough?” In fact both of you I think can come up with a joint research paper on how to choose a bride who shall never divorce and give the Sadhu Baba’s who foretell future vide astrology, a run for their money. You know you can also sell this as a research model to the increasing number of matrimonial sites who seem more horoscope obsessed than even my late great grand father!

How did you select your bride I wonder – oh wait you didn’t!!! I should have guessed that you sent in a gynea and got your proposed wives scrutinized. Did you get someone to or did you yourself place an order for a wife with Vishwamitra and mandated that she came with a hour glass figure, with high doses of Omega 3 injected in her thighs (have you thought of approaching the companies that manufacture Botox with this idea – you could roll in green!),  and with lips and eyes screaming “Oh Baby am I fertile or what?” – I am sure you did. And what did you do with her after she bore you kids? Checked her Omega 3 levels each time the child did not get full marks? Tsk tsk, you were duped weren’t you?

Of course you not a racist, you are just melanin fanatic, isn’t it? You taught your child to pick up ‘skin color” each time he drew a female figure – though I shudder at the thought of you rushing to do a brain mapping of the kid if he drew female breasts which do not match each other to the T! I think you have a good retirement plan in place – counselling the marketing team of Fair and Lovely – you will rock it, Sir!!! As for symmetry – I wish for the sake of your wife that the other important organs of your body are not the same size as your pea sized brain, if it is then I am sure she thought of divorce on grounds of sexual non satisfaction, however the case came up before your dear friend at the Bangalore High Court.

“The girl should be more intelligent than the boy and get to know what an idiot he is if he is to marry her?” – you said in your article!!! But of course, that is what fate is all about – after all you belong to that category of humans who ascertain social status with skin color, height and weight with intelligence and then proudly go on to talk about it – so going by your logic, I assume her intelligence would mean to give into fate, know that she was only born to bear an idiot’s kids and that is the only route to nirvana!

As for your comments on education and intelligence – let me tell you something darling leave aside intelligence, seeing men like you my grandmother’s voice rings crystal clear that education and literacy are not the same thing. Doctor, this very tag shows you are literate, wonder at what age would you open your mind to education???

Warm Regards,
Never to be referred by you a young bride to be!

Do you think I misjudged humor? Am I becoming one of those who don’t have no laugh lines beside their eyes, because they take life too seriously?