Each time that I strive for answers, the changing colors of the sea tell me that I am not alone in my dubiety! That I too like the sea, am a creation of leisure that has always been interpreted in haste!
I am a stickler for public transport. I mean give me the option for a chauffeur driven car and train/ bus passes I’ll gladly settle for the latter, for any ride in the former bores me out of my wits! I love looking at people, interpreting their background/ thoughts and yes often picking up a few snippets of their conversation too (yes, yes BAD GIRL moi!!!)
Last evening on train as I shuffled through my IPod for that one song which had suddenly disappeared, my ears shot up when I picked up a few words from my neighbor. She was on phone, apparently narrating to a friend about her sister-in-law who woke up that morning to discover an ‘unknown mobile’ in her husband’s pocket and cross questioning led to a calm husband telling her about his affair and how he’s not remorseful of what he’s done. As I went back to my IPod, my mind somewhere loomed around the conversation.
I thought about the wife and tried to picture a distraught her, but could not! I tried imagining the husband, blowing circles of smoke out of tension, but failed there too! I tried to picture the ‘other woman’ and in fact smiled for all I could imagine was a hazy face and a recent post by MM!
Fidelity – the most essential thing we are taught as a kid when introduced to the concept of marriage. “Dog is the most faithful companion of man” – haven’t we all at some point of time read this in our textbooks along with the reason that a dog sticks to his master through thick and thin?
And then we grow up to witness advertisements like of a famous Russian vodka company which boldly reads, “Married by the Day, Single by the Night” or the recent Micromax ad where two boys think they are dating the same girl, but are relieved when they find differences in her mobile colour (interchangeable mobile covers can help you maintain an array of boyfriends without getting anyone suspicious, apparently!) and wonder what has fidelity come to?
Somewhere to be serious I find the entire concept of fidelity to be not only over-rated but also mis –interpreted. One look at all the television soaps floating around and you’ll come to interpret fidelity as always sticking by your spouse’s side throughout the day instead of thick and thin! There even a jog with the opposite gender or a drive is capable of bringing in doubts! And then with the entire concept of miscellaneous spouses being so apparent on EACH and EVERY soap, I think we have got our concepts totally mixed up!
I mean I wouldn’t hold up my guy for an outing with his female jing bang, or for a drive with a girl! But yes, I admit I wouldn’t take it lying down if any of the above is done with the tag line of the above mentioned ad! But somewhere while the entire scenario today has come to hint at fidelity to be shattered once it leads to a different bed-game, for me the definitions are a bit modified. To clarify, I feel that somewhere even if my guy sleeps with me each night and I do everything to ensure that, is that enough to have a peaceful sleep? Isn’t a mind game where despite of lying with me on the same bed, but his mind and heart somewhere else amount to cheating/ fidelity towards me? Is the sense of trust today only restricted to physical intimacies?
The other thing that has always irked my previous generation is my take on ‘falling out of love’ in relationship. I fail to understand as to why we need to hold on to a failing relationship just for the heck of it! Didn’t we all have our first teenage crush only to let it go (no exception stories here please!), didn’t you discard the doll that you promised to hand down to your daughter at age 5? Then why can’t we decide the same for a relationship when the entire essence of love leaves it? Just sticking by each other to put up a sham marriage for the society, doesn’t that equally violate the definition of fidelity?
Kids, did you say? Aah by sticking around what are we teaching them? That it’s OK for one party to actually take it laying down whatever is being offered, for the ‘greater good’? We think we try to teach them harsh realities of life so that they don’t repeat ‘mistakes’ but in the end by sticking around aren’t we teaching them that there are people who’ll still carry on with a relationship despite fidelity being shoved up their face???
The other thing that irks me is the definition of ‘other woman’ and the concept of her wronging the entire world! When in reality how do you defined being wronged? Ain’t all 3 parties in equal footing (presuming the spouse who decides to stick by for the ‘society’). Why is the ‘home breaker’ so tagged always? Why is the spouse refusing to come out in the open to admit things gone astray seen as faithful? If the OW is a ‘keep’ isn’t the spouse a ‘keeper of a failed relationship’?
I will not say that I am a cool, easy going person when it come to my guy. No I am possessive in my own way and have my share of blues to when he ignores me or when I think he’s not paying me attention. But somewhere the entire concept of fidelity to me arises much before he leads somewhere else to bed. To me it’s not cool even to just have ‘fun’ with another person and the defense that no physical play is involved doesn’t stand. To me it’s more about the way we are connected in the mind that gives rise to the entire concept of ‘ties’ and not whether he and his childhood bum chum actually shared a room in the back packing trip?
But yes, I will never allow myself to be tagged as a ‘keep’ for there’s no such term in love and neither will I allow myself to be a ‘keeper’ for in self dignity there’s no such term!
I think we are utterly confused here today, so what’s your take on fidelity?
In case you have somethign to say, please consider yourself tagged and do a post and yes don’t forget to link it back!