Dear Kali Pataka,

It’s been ages since I wrote to you. And yes of course am tired of calling you Anarkali – to have a mom like me and be stuck up with the same name is a disgrace right? So this is the name for the festive season – a mix of strong demeanour and sexy attitude: yes I want you to grow that way. 😛 😛

So you thought I forgot you with Tamanna coming into my life? No baby … that can never be for no two individuals can be compared. GM used to say that every person is unique in their own way and we bond with the most different sets to make our life complete. So if Tamanna stands for the demeanour I seek to create taking inspiration of the life that once was, you are who I see in the mirror each day – a true reflection of the crazy demented self! 😉 😉

It’s like friends who are different and separate in their own worlds but in your conjoined worlds they help you grow. Yes, that is what I shall talk to you today all about – friends! 😀 😀 😀

Patu in your life, you’ll meet a lot of opposite gender friends to be categorised as cool, or the ones whom you want to date. Meet them, go out with them, suffer heart breaks, understand them, love them, hate them, loathe them, crave them – for you learn best from first hand experiences. I say that from my own. But make sure you befriend one guy whom you want to keep for the rest of your life as your prized relationship – like A. I want you to meet A Uncle Patu … not coz, I love him but to make you understand that not all opposite gender relationships have to end up in trials of sexuality. That you can get drunk, share a bed, cry, curl up in his lap and yet feel more secure than your own personal space. That you can freely love, trust and share without never having an iota of doubt that you shall be let down. Where you don’t need to define relationships to be sexual, contextual or even platonic – where you are just two individuals who are happy to be with each other and that’s their reason of bonding. 😛

So much so you shall say, but what about my father if you are to ask I shall turn you then to a fanged but un-horned bat who shall in the most weirdest of ways take your number to pass on to a ‘battered wife’ who will call from a US number to complain about a beating husband and seek respite. You in your drunken demeanour and in wake of stalk calls being regular might deny being a lawyer and slam the phone down, but then later when u realise it’s the known bitch witch you shall scream out your lungs on a call and end up rolling in tears of ecstasy … with of course the long island ice tea going waste in salty waters. Of course also note if you can use swear words with a person of the same gender in your first conversation n crack up – it’s a starting of a lifetime friendship! :mrgreen:

Patu if ever you feel bereft of a father be introduced to Brat Uncle to understand that men never grow up and can never ask for a girl’s number without giving it away that they are doing so. Be introduced to Witchy aunty whose husband is kept cordoned off from all husbands battering news while she spreads the word about his butt over the phone. Such is the world dear – we don’t respect men – so why be with one? 😉 😉 😈 😉 😉

There’s of course one dignified man in the making – born out of a witch and I am contemplating of pairing you up with him … the problem is that the Witch needs the sacrifice of bat blood in the Arabian Sea as a bribe for that ! Don ‘t worry dear we shall arrange it soon – I mean me, Sunita and Reshma … till then just hold on to the Pink Lungi of Vimmuuu uncle – btw his policy behind the name goes to say if u give him two lungi – he’ll return three : we shall always invite him to our luncheons .. what say darling? 👿 😈 👿

Till you disown me and join the latest reality show on TV called the Big Switch (where apparently you call in to complain about your parents and they find you a new set!) … 😯

Butt Cuddles,



P.S: I write this after 3 long island ice teas, 1 mojito and 2 tequila shots and of course half hour midnight conversation with Sakshi … who posed as a battered wife seeking my help at 12:30 am claiming to belong to Mumbai calling from a US number! And of course after a 3 hour chat with Brat …. u think I would be sober …. I needed the drinks to survive man! 😐 😉 😯 🙄

P.P.S: For more letters to my unfortunate unborn daughter click here 😉 😉