This is a journey where we all have set out alone my dear…

I snuggle in close and bury my head in the creases of the white saree that still smells of cinnamon, sandalwood and reminiscent of incense smoke.

She strokes my hair through her fragile hands. I feel a lump forming near my throat. I feel as if there’s a rush in my body to throw up all the pent up emotions I had bottled inside to be ‘strong’.

But I know better than to uncork the bottle.

I feel lost GM…

To lose oneself to discover others is the greatest task of humanity – didn’t your Krishna tell this?

Yes, he did in the 5th Chapter (yes Gita introduced by GM is my guide to life) but then why should I go about discovering people when nobody cares to do the same?

A small chuckle through wide spaced teeth, adulation running through my scalp.

The sea looks to each one, the way they want to see it. Under a dark sky it looks depressing and scary, under the glittering sun it look to fiery and bright. It looks inviting too, but then people might just dip their feet and walk away.

But then the sea is never angry at the visitors who left her alone, she welcomes them with the same passion the next time they wander. The sea never holds anything against anyone.

GM all this is ok, but….

She cuts me short with her smile and calls me by the name which I haven’t allowed anyone else till date to address me (much to various family embarrassment episodes!)

The sea only gives. You’ll never see the sea taking away anything to its inner chambers. It picks up things scattered by visitors on the sea shores, as if in an attempt to relish their visit and then through another wave returns it back. The only thing the sea doesn’t return when it takes is life.

Ya right GM, being so giving has landed me here!

I don’t know *fav addressal* what has got these dark circles beneath the lovely eyes, but I’ll tell you something –

it’s not easy to find a person who shall overlook the sea’s turbulence and dive in to discover the calm heartland where all the treasures lie! But then you shouldn’t hold it against all those who have been scared to dive, its human to have short sightedness.

Never judge people by the way they have treated you.

I look at her bewildered… she smiles…and repeats what has been my favorite lore as a kid…

*Tomake bodhibe je Gokule bariche she* … (The one who shall conquer you is growing up in Gokula (Lord Krishna’s land) )

GM, I wish you had met Y  just once… don’t know why I am saying this… maybe am too filled with bitterness anger now and it’s just your teachings that’s pulling me back from questioning him of the things that might hurt him. But I wish you met him… if not for anything else to give a glimpse of me perhaps!

Somewhere I feel I am also thankful for the amnesic days, you knew me too well to let me be when I tell the world that I am quiet for I have a head ache.

How do kids grow up without their grandparents GM? Don’t they miss this old saree smell and crinkly soft hands or these talks which somehow don’t seem right with anyone else ?– or is it that they never know of the joy they are missing?

when turbulence hides the treasures ... it's 'sea face'