Lying alone in my room.. soft sun rays invading through the French windows…. I ponder,
“Who am I?”
… a question worth uncountable hours of mindless search and brain wracking, an over flowing ashtray, an empty Nescafe “dabba” that reads “decaff” in bold and I look into my eyes in the mirror only to find them more caffeinated (& weeded) than before and then as I go and sit on the window sill, with my morning “cuppa” and the first light of the day, I delve in self discovery…
The person I love the most cites me as “too independent” and a rebel,
…the person who loves me the most calls me the girl who wants to achieve it all, from Harvard Law School to that pent house in Manhattan,
….the person I liked the most called me a Jhansi-Ki-Rani-cum-Anarkali… my latest September Love 😛 called me a girl for whom “one long island ice tea is jus not enough”!!!
For a girl who’s named after a poets imagination of a seductress and perfect damsel… who’s the epitome of purity, I am a self contradiction. Neither am I perfect, nor am I pure… seduction??? Ah well lets leave that aside… that’s for somebody else to answer 😛
… but then again the poem was politically inspired…. it was a poem about peace.. about friendly ties… about strengthening bonds during turbulent times…. did I hear anybody saying “yes, she’s been there”???? I am ageing, my ears have started ringing!!!
Pseudo Bong…. the paper on the soft board stares out to me. I smirk, he didn’t even know who introduced the Bengali (Bangla for purists) alphabet, but it was a big deal for him that I couldn’t interpret them.
Tomboy… another snippet reads out, just then I spot my pink slippers and the latest edition of “Cosmo” and the tube of MAC pancake lying next to it. Will that girl be able to recognize me????
“I give a damn!!!”…a t-shirt cut out reads, I turn my head to a torn wedding card and my teddy covered in the famous “ran out mascara stream” (the pack said “waterproof”.. but guess saline water is not “water”!!!!)…. why did it matter so much last night… after so many years of solitude.
“Over ambitious”!!! in my dad’s handwriting and “Loves to be alone” in my mom’s, just when I was thinking of calling in sick. I hate Fridays, I hate the evenings that follow….coz I’m all alone.
Genius!!! My brother-in-laws voice rattles in my ears.. and so does his infectious laughter, just when I remember the gaze that pierced my heart as we parted “Else” ways.. I was too dumb to interpret.
Hard Rock Lover??? She’s the perfect company. I spot my guitar gathering dust in a corner.
Cricket Omnibus, my sports teacher’s label! Today I strain my brains to remember who won the Man of the Series in the last IPL (oh btw .. that’s not “cricket”!!!)
Extrovert, my school year book asserts, my I-Phone Notes, that stores all one liners that I haven’t been able to tell people yesterday- today and in the future to follow.
I am no ordinary, yet I am the girl you’ll love to ignore. But 15 years later when you meet, you’ll wish the girl next to you was her.
I am the girl whom you’ll meet 10 years later with 5 kids, none resembling me or any of my boy friends, coz they’ll be more special than simply being “my own”.
I am the girl whom you’ll be scared of taking home after 4 tequilas , but the same one who knows the entire rituals of the 5 day Durga Puja by heart.
I am a girl who never gives up, so perhaps that’s why I’ll again ask you once last time to ball-dance with me, but when you refuse, I’ll still preserve my ballerinas to practice new steps in my New York pent house. I don’t wanna be out of tune, when u ask…
I am way beyond “what should be” and “what is” ….. nobody knows why the sphinx smiles and ‘what lies beneath” .. and you think u r different?????