Each time that I strive for answers, the changing colors of the sea tell me that I am not alone in my dubiety! That I too like the sea, am a creation of leisure that has always been interpreted in haste!
Yes all you want at me, for it is indeed one of those RARE occasions when I decide to call you with a socially acceptable mush name! Or so what people think – for to me Anarkali is a perfectly socially befitting name!!!
To say that I am missing you bad would be the greatest oxymoron of all times right – how can I miss something I never had till now? Well I do and I crave – like never before. Maybe because after I ceased to be a princess I realized how wonderful it was to be one and I crave to make someone feel the same.
I don’t know where you are – whether you have already arrived in this world or are en-route or whether you have just expressed your desire to a stork to be transported to a doorstep. In any which way princess, I just hope you find your way to me in the next three years. But will you do one thing my child, as and when you decide to bless me will you meet GM once on the way. It’ll make life easier for both me and you, trust me!
The walls I have built around me, I don’t want to break them down and yet I want you to know the real me – so I think a long chat with GM will solve the dilemma. Those grey hairs are courtesy a lot many of my escapades, my dear!
Remember our dream den Princess – the one where there are no walls but just book shelves lined with the choicest ones picked by both of us, where there won’t be floors but just Persian rugs. And where instead of TV we’ll have a white screen for all those animated movies and jungle documentaries and a white board to doodle and learn new words – I shared that dream with someone. Not a friend, not even a close acquaintance. Not even Uncle A or Aunt S. I don’t know how to answer ‘who’. It was only when I rattled on to the coffee tables and the dreams of it storing our half played Scrabble or jigsaw puzzle games that I realized that the milk and cookie sipping escapades are only ours and there’s no scope of anyone else! He says I am fiercely possessive – I peep into my bag of dreams and smile at the little broken toy pieces I seek to guard. Scrap to me is valuable and that is perhaps why when you insist on preserving a twig, I’ll give into your imagination of it being a magic wand! He also thinks I’m sily and so I stopped sharing my dreams with him too – I am saving them all up for you.
You know I think I saw Bruno yesterday – yes the golden retriever with whom we’ll roll in the mud till we can challenge the Ariel or the Surf Excel guys! I was returning home when a lost Bruno caught my attention, as I stroked it, it’s warm nuzzle made me realize that he’s lost, I took him around the compound to the little boy holding the broken leash. I wish I could bring him home baby, but I guess I’ll wait for you so that we can bring both Buzz and Bruno home together!
It’s going to be a bit lonely here Princess, GM feared that, do you think you would be able to manage with the bed time stories and sky gazing activities I indulge you into? Or is Aunt S right when she says that her baby can already sense Uncle I’s voice and gets excited. Am sure we’ll work a way out Princess.
Why this letter today, maybe because am a little bit vulnerable. I was on the verge of breaking down my walls when I realized that I have to hold them up for you. But then again I sensed that it might not give you the glimpse of how your mom was really as a girl who believed on Valentine’s Day too once – long long back and did wish on fallen eye lashes. So maybe when one day you feel that you are stuck up with a demented mother devoid of all girly emotions – I’ll show you this letter to give you a glimpse of me and then remind you of the chat you had with GM en-route my world. Yes, I know then other questions will follow – but guess to you I will answer each one of them.
One thing I am going to do different but Princess, which GM would have ever approved of. I am going to introduce you to death before you discover it the hard way. I am going to share the story of Gautam Buddha* with you much before the time that my mom did with me!
Milk and cookies strike up awesome conversations and that’ll be our comfort food even when roles reverse and once again I become a child with dreams in my eyes – for you.
Come soon princess, I have almost perfected the animated steps of ‘5 little monkeys’ and ‘Good boy Carl’!
Stomach bubbles and Butt kisses,
The lore goes that an old lady was distraught on losing her only son and went to Buddha asking him to bring him alive. Buddha tried to reason when she challenged his powers as a divine entity and said that he never really realized the truth about human emotions or being. The calm and ever smiling Buddha then agreed to grant her wish but asked her to fetch an essential ingredient which he needed to instill life back into the child. He asked her to fetch a handful of mustard seeds from a house which has never witnessed a single death. The old lady without a thought set off to find such a house-hold. It was only after she covered the entire village in vain that she realized the true lesson which Buddha wanted to impart – that how no one can escape death. As I questioned a blank space that day sleeping on her bed that ‘why GM?’ – Ma told me this story – handed down to her by her grand father when she had lost her brother – her lifeline.
P.S: For more letters to my unfortunate unborn daughter click here ;)